Pain of Salvation — Remedy Lane

15 Января 2002
Remedy Lane

    Записан осенью 2001 в Roasting House Studios (Мальмё, Швеция).

    Релиз состоялся в феврале 2002 года на Inside Out Music.

    Продолжительность 68 минут 12 секунд.

    Литературный перевод текстов песен на русский язык

    На официальном международном форуме remedylane.com Даниэль дал довольно подробные разъяснения к концепции альбома Remedy Lane:

    Этот концепт является самым личным из всех мною созданных, и он о кризисе отношений, о столь иногда тонкой линии, разделяющей любовь и секс и о том, как влияет наше прошлое на отношения с людьми. Действие происходит в течении нескольких дней в Венгрии, откуда различные песни отсылают нас к разным местам и ситуациям, намекая на причины кризиса. Весь альбом разбит на 3 (три) главы, что фанаты Pain of Salvation, я полагаю, уже успели заметить.

    Эпилог

    Of Two Beginnings — открывающий трек является чем-то вроде вступления, что-то среднее между intro и полноценной песней, в ней присутствуют несколько различных элементов и стилей. Номер в отеле в Венгрии, настоящее время. Это начало альбома и в нём содержится начало цепочки мыслей, конец неосознанного путешествия, ответ на вопрос, который еще не ясен слушателю и начало реакции ребёнка на любовь и секс.

    Глава I

    Ending Theme — одна из относительно простых песен альбома, но, конечно же, она наделена уточённостью. Мы включаемся в историю несколькими днями ранее, в момент приезда в Будапешт. Кто-то прибывает в Будапешт в поисках ответа, ради встречи с кем-то. Это связано с чем-то, случившимся в Будапеште в прошлом, о чем нам еще предстоит узнать по мере развития концепта. В какой степени поведение, поступки и вообще реальность человека исходят от самого человека? В какой степени это является реакцией на его/её окружение? Встреча, смущение, поиск...

    Fandango — двое людей формирующих свою жизнь вместе, противостоят нормам и моделям поведения, унаследованным ими от их прошлого. В один момент моей жизни я был опустошен, подавлен и просил у Бога (какого-нибудь) ответов. Я не религиозен, но и не анти-религиозен, если вы понимаете что я имею ввиду. Единственное, что я знаю, это то, что я не знаю ничего. Как бы то ни было, я внезапно преисполнился спокойствием и улыбнулся, как будто бы кто-то только что сказал мне, что если я получу все ответы, пропадает какой-либо смысл жить — жизнь это орудие для получения ответов. Как будто бы ты просишь ответов для того, чтобы суметь найти те же самые ответы самому. Я хотел вложить немного этого ощущения в эту песню, по скольку оно так или иначе обнаруживает себя в жизни каждого человека.

    A Trace Of Blood — во время записи Entropia у нас с моей женой была неудачная попытка завести ребенка, и это сказалось на нас очень тяжело. Это было одной из самых ужасных вещей, случившихся в моей жизни. Для меня это не было просто потерей какого-то маленького биологического существа, для меня это было потерей нескольких жизней — ребенка и жизни, которая была бы у него/неё, жизней, которые бы были у моей жены и у меня. Наша жизнь сделала очень резкий поворот в тот день и оставить это событие полностью в прошлом я не могу. Мне кажется эта смесь радости, горя и гнева присутствует в музыке и тексте песни.

    This Heart of Mine (I Pledge) — это просто песня о любви, которую я написал для моей жены. В этом концепте она представляет веру в силу слов и ритуалов, в силу веры. Некоторые из этих тем возвращаются в дальнейшем развитии концепта чтобы напомнить нам об этой клятве и о том, как иногда хрупка может быть человеческая вера.

    Глава II

    Undertow — Это одна из самых мрачных песен альбома. Она проста структурой, но сложна эмоциями. Мы пытаемся построить карточный домик начиная с апатии, продвигаясь через спектры грусти, сильного желания, примирения и гнева чтобы пересечь границу истерии и вернуться обратно к апатии — всё время с одним и тем же посланием и просьбой: отпусти меня ("let me go"). Это смесь монолога и диалога при полностью разбитых отношениях. Сейчас мы начинаем понимать, почему мы начали историю в Будапеште.

    Rope Ends — Однажды ночью моей жене приснился сон о том, что кто-то из её подруг пыталась совершить самоубийство. Сон был настолько ясным и ярким, что она не могла успокоиться и в конце концов позвонила своей подруге. Оказалось, что она трижды пыталась повеситься в ту самую ночь. Несколько лет спустя так случилось, что я успел ровно вовремя, чтобы вытащить человека из петли. В течение минуты мне не удавалось это сделать и я начал паниковать, пока меня внезапно не осенило, что я могу с помощью своего веса порвать веревку. Хотя сначала мне пришла мысль ринуться в кухню за ножом, чтобы разрезать веревку, я просто не смог выйти из комнаты, оставив в ней человека, висящего под потолком.

    Chain Song — танец любви и расставания, различные повороты и мольбы.

    Dryad of the Woods — инструментальная композиция для моей жены, которую я написал несколько лет назад. Опять же, контраст между любовью и той странноий ситуацией, которой посвящена концепция.

    Глава III

    Remedy Lane — еще одна инструментальная композиция, возвращается к некоторым музыкальным темам с разным настроением. Мы снова на дороге излечения ("Remedy Lane"), у нас немного больше осознания происходящего. Беспокойная пульсация этого трека даёт ощущение постоянного поиска, которому посвящена концепция, поиска правды, дабы обрести свободу...

    Waking Every God — ...но что такое свобода? Мы снова возвращаемся к первому визиту в Венгрию, о которой вкратце говорилось в начале концепта. Это начало конца или начало другого начала?

    Second Love — старая песня, которую я написал когда мне было 15 или 16 лет. Поскольку концепт должен был содержать композицию о том, каково это иметь разбитое сердце в юном возрасте, мне показалось что эта песня как нельзя кстати, так как написана она была, когда я был именно в таком состоянии — она настоящая.

    Beyond the Pale — вот мы снова в постели, в отеле, в комнате, с которой мы начали. Нам дали подсказки и намеки на то, почему мы здесь, и эта песня собирает все вместе, открывая слабости человеческого сердца и разума, подвергает сомнению поиски свободы, если они не сопровождены мыслями о том, что она будет значить для окружающих. Раньше мне казалось, что это ужасно если мы не являемся самими собой в достаточной мере, если мы работаем только в отношениях с другими но, в конце концов, может быть именно поэтому всё так, как есть и мы здесь, в окружении других людей? Чтобы делать жизнь других лучше, чтоб вылечить раны друг друга...

    Смысл названия альбома (Remedy Lane — путь излечения): В английском языке есть выражение «пройтись дорогой воспоминанией» (take a walk down memory lane) — оно значит посетить места своего прошлого, совершить ностальгическое путешествие. В некотором смысле что-то подобное происходит в этом концепте, но с большим ударением на примирение с прошлым и поиск лекарства (remedy) для кризиса, которому посвящен концепт.

    Это еще одна ступень в развитии Pain of Salvation. Одним из наших фирменных элементов наверное станет неделимая смесь глубоких эмоциональных структур и искусной технической архитектуры, а этого на этом альбоме предостаточно как никогда ранее. Если вы ищите команду, которая звучала бы один в один как ваша любимая группа — просто забудьте о нас. Если вы ищете группу, которая заставит вас забыть о любимом бэнде — вот они мы, просто пройдитесь по «пути излечения» пару раз и это изменит вас навсегда...

    1. Of Two Beginnings
    2. Ending Theme
    3. Fandango
    4. A Trace of Blood
    5. This Heart of Mine
    6. Thorn Clown
    7. Undertow
    8. Rope Ends
    9. Chain Sling
    10. Dryad of the Woods
    11. Remedy Lane
    12. Waking Every God
    13. Second Love
    14. Beyond the Pale

    1. Of Two Beginnings

    "Can You see him?

    Lying alone on that hotel room
    but with her still present
    in the warm of the sheets
    and the taste in his mouth
    and the sweet on his skin

    He has walked the roads
    turning bleak
    a child of Entropia
    setting himself on fire
    seeking a distant past
    for a way out

    Challenging the concept
    freedom
    and youth
    falling into the undertow

    Can You see him now?"

    She is twelve I'm only ten
    buried in this soft mountain of pillows
    Parents away
    She asks me have I been touched
    Have I done the thing with anyone yet
    Silence - a shy no

    And there is nothing
    That we'd rather share
    Than that bodily warmth if we'd dare
    But she's already twelve and I am
    Just a child
    WARM AND SHY

    She's so OLD - already twelve and I am only ten
    Than was me, young and free, there and then

    Now in this hotel room I lie wondering who I am
    Never quite as sure after a lie of questioning
    Finding out at last that freedom is
    A STATE OF MIND
    But still not knowing how to get along with this mankind

    ...finding out at last that freedom is a state of mind...

    2. Ending Theme

    And so I find myself here once again - first step down Remedy Lane
    Budapest you tore my world apart - well, here I am
    Worn with rope ends on my mind, torn with blood scarred in my eyes
    But now I'm back to shake that from my life

    Ending Theme, ending theme
    Ripping at the seams, for an opening

    Back again at Deak Ter - I know I could have left her there
    It was the feeling of leaving myself that I could not bear
    The same old hotel room in Pest one night before the Sziget fest
    Hungarian Princess will you share my rest?
    To rest in my...

    ENDING THEME
    ENDING THEME
    Ripping at the seams, for an opening

    to be honest I don't know what I'm looking for - who to be
    sitting here as once before, weeks ago - just waiting for a knock on that door
    and I have left all I thought was me to find out, to make sure if it was you or me
    that made me feel so free and real, but when we kiss I don't know, I just don't know
    'cause it leaves a taste of emptiness, and I think What if I'm simply depressed?
    blind, just finding rest from my mind here in Budapest?
    confusing zest with the joy of being blessed with the bliss of self-escape as we kiss?
    and mixing my being unstressed with your being undressed and the taste of being true
    with the fresh taste of me and you as we touch? I don't know
    but I saw so much of me in you, the me I've missed, the young and free in you
    but still, that doesn't mean a thing, may not mean anything about my needing you
    but I guess we had to meet, to be near; to make sure, and still my dear
    beyond this bed and that door, to be honest, I fear I just don't know

    ENDING THEME
    ENDING THEME
    Fanning flames to dreams of belonging
    ENDING THEME
    ENDING THEME
    Ripping at the seams, for an opening


    to be honest I don't know what I'm looking for...
    lying here, watching you leave through that door

    3. Fandango

    Watch them dance...

    She is intimacy - a wonder of closeness
    Fighting hypocrisy - a lonely child that
    Never could believe, yet never give up
    On life's insanity
    Understanding is all, she fails to find it
    She can never fall

    All her life she's longed to be weak
    All this time on roads turning bleak
    Watch her dance...

    He is sharpness of mind - a lonely Peter Pan
    Always standing behind and from a distance
    Looking at a world of love and deceit

    This child of air defies every rooftop and tree
    Instead of what he's craving for the most
    Getting close!

    Live that you might find the answers
    You can't know before you live

    Love and life will give you chances
    From your flaws learn to forgive

    All his life he's sought to be brave
    All this time sought someone to save
    Watch him dance...

    They are two of a kind
    Two children warm and wild
    In a world going blind they raise their voices
    Speaking for the mute
    Building dreams of love finding their way through it
    They are turned into myths - a beacon of hope

    Live that you might find the answers
    You can't know before you live
    Love and life will give you chances
    From your flaws learn to forgive

    ALL HIS (life) HE WAS (just) WISHING
    (to) BE TOUCHED (but) TOO SCARED (of)
    WHAT HE (de)SIRED
    (while) ALL HER (life) SHE WAS (an) OBJECT
    (of) GROWN MEN'S (de)SIRE (and) WISHED TO
    (be) UNTOUCHED
    (now) THEY MUST (try) TO WORK (their)
    UNFORGOTTEN sexuality OUT!

    Watch them dance...

    Always being much more human than they wished to be

    They built up a world so wonderful
    So pure and tense
    Stained only now and then by the blood
    Of their young innocence...

    All their life on Tolkien's grounds
    All their time on islands unfound

    Trapped in a Fandango

    Watch them dance!
    Fandango!

    Live that you might find the answers
    You can't wait before you live
    Love and life will give you chances
    From your flaws learn to forgive...

    4. A Trace of Blood

    Touching ground Going home to those I miss
    Safe and sound Weeks of exile turn to bliss
    But there's something in her voice When she is calling me
    A trace of blood to lead me
    Through roads of agony With blood taste in my mouth
    And clouds before my eyes
    I kneel beside the bed Where my bleeding dryad lies

    Three young souls in misery

    Hitting ground Nausea wakes me up at dawn
    Hopes are found
    Dissected, turned and then
    Withdrawn
    A chair of steel and wire Her legs are open wide
    Helpless in myself I stand there cold beside
    The doctors stay away Leave us with this dismay
    To see the colours of a miracle Fade and turn to gray

    Then a cry and rivers of blood Flow so sadly
    bringing you
    Our dreams pour into a cold tray Two young souls in misery
    Missing you

    "How quickly the colors change
    from blue to red to black
    and why am I always away
    wrapped up in something
    unable to live with all this
    love
    I ask of the world to leave
    to be silent and pretend
    that it never happend"

    I never knew your name but I will miss you just the same
    I was to live for you I lost the will to live at all the day you came
    It'll never be the same but I will love you just the same
    You were to be the first, how wonderful
    Now I will always fear to hope again

    The irony of seeing me whispering through her skin
    So joyfully To our child there deep within
    Or of when she called to me To tell me cheerfully
    That she had seen your shape On a hospital screen
    And of nurses being concerned That you never moved or turned
    Too late we see the warnings Too late we learn

    I never saw your face and now you're gone without a trace
    Except the trace of blood that's deeply scarred into my eyes To fill your place
    It'll never be the same but I will love you just the same
    I was prepared to be your father How can I ever prepare for that again?

    Still I follow that trace of blood Always leading back to you
    Hollow years of damming that flood Two young souls in misery

    Missing you... missing you...

    5. This Heart of Mine

    I lie awake watching your shoulders
    Move so softly as you breathe
    With every breathe you're growing older
    But that is fine if you're with me

    I pledge to wake you with a smile
    I pledge to hold you when you cry
    I pledge to love you till I die
    Till I die

    The rays of dawn plays on your eyelids
    A sleeping beauty dressed in sun

    I will wake you with a smile
    I will hold you when you cry
    I will love you till I die
    Till I die
    Till I die

    I believe this heart of mine when it tells my eyes
    That this is beauty
    I believe this heart of mine when it tells my mind
    That this is reason
    I believe this heart of mine when it cries at time
    That this is forever
    I believe this heart of mine when it tells the skies
    That this is the face of God

    I lie awake watching your shoulders

    6. Thorn Clown

    бонус-трек к японскому изданию

    I dream my dreams at night - my life's a cartoon of black and white
    I'm sick of this paint on my face!
    I'm always the one to make the show - a laughing clown, wings black as a crow
    I carry this large mind with pain
    A mind in this world seems in vain

    I remember all those years, running through the freedom
    What became of the child I used to be?
    I remember all those tears, melting my own face and now
    It has become the one I thought was yours

    Oh, look at this pityful young soul - is he beyond or behind, who knows...
    But there's no one to burn at his pace
    Contemplating wave lenths in the bath while scorching himself to make us laugh
    The beckoning mind cannot be
    Insanity might set it free

    I remember all those years when I was invincible
    What became of the child that used to laugh?
    I remember all those fears, bleaching this mild heart and now
    It has become the gray I thought was yours

    If you'd just let him in, if you would just touch him
    He would love, he would grow, he could rest his old soul
    Maybe he's difficult but he's beautiful
    Wild at heart, troubled mind, torn apart, seeking his kind

    7. Undertow

    Let me go
    Let me go
    Let me seek the answer that I need to know
    Let me find a way
    Let me walk away
    Through the Undertow
    Please let me go

    Let me fly
    Let me fly
    Let me rise against that blood-red velvet sky
    Let me chase it all
    Break my wings and fall
    Probably survive
    So let me fly
    Let me fly...

    Let me run
    Let me run
    Let me ride the crest of chance into the sun
    You were always there
    But you may lose me here
    Now love me if you dare
    And let me run

    I'm alive and I am true to my heart now - I am I,
    but why must truth always make me die?

    Let me break!
    Let me bleed!
    Let me tear myself apart I need to breathe!
    Let me lose my way!
    Let me walk astray!
    Maybe to proceed...
    Just let me bleed!

    Let me drain!
    Let me die!
    Let me break the things I love I need to cry!
    Let me burn it all!
    Let me take my fall!
    Through the cleansing fire!
    Now let me die!
    Let me die...

    Let me out
    Let me fade into that pitch-black velvet night

    8. Rope Ends

    She is still young...

    Another day of emptiness
    This life is wearing her down
    The room around her is a mess
    Her children safe with her mom

    She is still young but feeling old
    Two children with different fathers
    She sits on the bathroom floor alone
    The shower chain broke
    Her neck hurts

    Then another night of emptiness to wear her down
    Naked to the world she wraps her sadness in a gown
    Her children fast asleep she sears the dark with glassy eyes
    Choosing carefully among her husband's business ties

    "Over!" she cries through rope ends and silk ties
    Beautiful life escaping her young blue eyes
    But life holds her hand, refusing to let go
    Leaving her breathing on the floor

    They're still asleep don't hear her cry
    And she's still obsessed with rope ends
    This time she picks a stronger tie
    With Winnie the Pooh and friends

    She is still young but feeling old
    A child dying to be a mother
    Now she hangs from the ceiling all alone
    All pressure is falling from her

    Seeing guilt has taught her guilt she's raised on disbelief
    Merely twenty beautiful but with a taste for grief
    She has learnt all that there is to know about hopelessness
    Seeing that no effort in this world can stand her test

    "Over!" she cries through rope ends and silk ties
    Beautiful life escaping her young blue eyes
    And Winnie is strong, would never let her fall
    Prevents her from breathing till she's not there at all
    But life holds her hands, refusing to let go
    Leaving her breathing on the floor

    Seeing guilt has taught her guilt she's raised on disbelief
    Merely twenty beautiful but with a taste for grief
    She has learnt all that there is to know about helplessness
    Seeing that no caring in this world can ease her stress

    Helpless she lies in rope ends and undies
    Unseeing eyes fixating Eeyore's smile
    "Over!" she cries as she's going unblind
    Still in this life
    Still in this troubled mind
    The ceiling let go, the old house let her fall
    Dropping her breathing to the hard cold floor
    Hitting her head - a broken china soul
    Red stains on porcelain and she's not there at all

    Breathing she cries for rope ends and silk ties
    Beautiful eyes Piglet stands shy behind
    Broken she lies undead and unblind
    Beautiful life
    Beautiful crying young eyes
    Blackened and bruised, learning how to see
    Staring at her tooth - crimsoned ivory
    Hours they pass this broken china soul
    Red stains on porcelain
    And she's not there at all...

    "...and years later I would find You hanging
    alas the subte irony in shortering life with an extension lead
    before I could get You down I died so many times...
    thoughts about running to the kitchen for a knife to cut You down
    but I learned that there is no way of leaving the room
    when someone is hanging from the ceiling
    Your body just won't allow You that rest
    You stay
    to watch her face slowly turn blue
    finally to let You weight add to hers
    doubling the burden
    awaking her to the burden
    that brough her there in the first place:
    LIFE"

    "The Sisters of Solitude...

    They love and hurt, break and are broken, the sisters of solitude
    They cannot shake the dust from the ground
    Cannot rise from the ashes, the sisters of solitude
    They reach out to embrace the world, good and evil, weak and strong
    They will settle for nothing less, the sisters of solitude
    They love that they be loved, give that they be given
    Hurt that they get hurt, the sisters of solitude
    Hence, one loses weight by the second
    Throws up what she can instead of what she cannot
    Hence, two have tried to hang themselves, too strong to shut life out
    Yet too weak to live it
    Hence, the little one dissapears, melts into the walls, stands back
    Agrees, unsatisfied
    They all carry the end of the world in their chests
    Heirs of sadness and irony, of settling for less, of bitter consent
    Of mothers and mothers of solitude
    They all carry to break free, the sisters of solitude
    I fear them all so...
    I love them all so..."

    9. Chain Sling

    "Please let me be yours please never leave
    Please stay here close to me
    All love we shared where is it now?
    Please let me be better than I was
    Please don't give up on us
    The thought of leaving you - I don't know how"

    "I can feel the pain you have inside
    I see it in your eyes
    Those eyes that used to shine for me
    I can feel the wildness in your heart
    That's tearing us apart
    My love how can I help if you don't want me?"

    "There is nothing you can do to help me now
    I am lost within myself as so many times before
    There's nothing you can do to ease my pain
    I am so, so sorry but if you love me you must let go"

    Two young souls in the dance of a chain sling
    Love once born from the ink of Solitude
    Bidding to dance in the swing of a rope end
    Walking their Remedy Lane
    trough this interlude of pain

    Who will be there now?
    When I lose one true love?
    (When I lose my love)
    I am falling now
    Darkness below and above

    There is nothing you can do to help me now
    I am lost within myself as so many times before
    There's nothing you can do to ease my pain
    I am so, so sorry but if you love me you must let go

    Two young souls in the dance of a chain sling
    Love once born from the ink of Solitude
    Bidding to dance in the swing of a rope end
    Walking their Remedy Lane through this interlude of pain

    Who will be there now When I lose my one true love?
    (I am falling now)
    Have I lost Myself? To love someone else...

    "Please let me be yours please never leave
    Please stay here close to me
    All love we shared where is it now?
    Please let me be better than I was
    Please don't give up on us
    The thought of leaving you..."

    I DO NOT KNOW HOW

    10. Dryad of the Woods

    "Then came a girl
    A dryad of the woods
    with a sing over her door saying
    "If you enter
    You must forgive me everything!"
    With a heart too big and brave
    To let me dissapear
    And still I hear
    "May I sleep at your feet?"
    And so she went over my fence
    And reached out a hand
    That I had to take
    That I just had to take

    ...love
    never let me
    lose that love
    never let me
    lose that love
    never let me
    lose that love
    never...

    Sometimes, forgiving will
    just take you one step too far
    and you find yourself on Remedy Lane

    Sometimes forgiving is too much
    like self abuse

    Sometimes forgiving leaves
    too much sear tissue behind

    Even if I could one day learn
    to forgive you everything
    Could I learn to forgive myself?

    probably
    I simply
    didn't
    understand
    the full
    notion of
    the world
    forgive"

    11. Remedy Lane

    "yes
    I am in love
    I wanted to
    find out
    right?
    ...but...
    in love
    with whom
    or with what?

    to love to a city
    to the flesh
    to the past
    to the laugh
    uncontrolled
    to myself again
    and suddenly I know
    that this is dangerous"

    12. Waking Every God

    Ticking... Ticking... Wishing... wishing...
    Standing here in Buda trying to explain
    To myself and to the girl beside
    Why I feel so weightless and free from all my pain
    Telling yourself that you're here inside
    For the wind is in my hair as we are on this sun hot roof
    And far below the Danube passes as we talk
    And I'd like to think that this is what you wanted me to find
    This happiness could help us rebuild what we've lost

    Calling - walking every god
    Falling - love is my blood
    Breathing - love is life unbound
    Kneeling - let me tread its ground
    Trough her eyes I can see who you used to be
    Trough my eyes she can see
    What that feeling means to me

    Oh, ticking...
    Wishing I was stronger - wishing I was whole
    Wishing I was someone that I'm not
    And I wish that I could linger to the faith I used to have
    Wishing of myself to be a god
    I'm wishing to be a god!

    Calling - waking every god
    Falling - love is in my blood
    Breathing - love is life unbound
    Kneeling - let me tread its ground
    Through her eyes I can see who I used to be
    Through my eyes she can see
    Numb anxiety

    Love take me home
    Life shake me home!

    13. Second Love

    "We are eleven and she is the love of my life
    But one week from now she will turn her back on me
    Four years from now she will give me hope, then sleep with my best friend
    Five years from now it is the two of us but by then there is nothing
    left of this aching love amd this soaring love.
    But I don't know that now
    Because we are eleven and she is the love of my life."

    Day after day
    Nothing's changed you're far away
    But I need you to know that I can't sleep anymore
    By the nights
    Night after night
    The stars are shining so bright
    Though our pain is larger than the universe tonight

    I want you to know I can't sleep anymore
    By the nights
    By the nights
    Day after day I want you to say
    That you're mine
    You are mine

    Year after year
    Tear after tear
    I feel like my heart will break in two
    You came like a wind I couldn't defend
    You cut my heart so deeply
    The scars won't mend

    I'll never believe in love anymore
    After this
    After this
    Can never change or rearrange
    What we lost
    What we lost


    Time after time
    I am wasting my time
    Living in a past where I was strong
    But now I am gone
    I leave no shadow when I'm alone
    I'll stay forever in my dreams where you are near

    Want you to know I can't sleep anymore
    By the nights
    By the nights
    Day after day I want you to say
    That you're mine
    You're mine

    >14. Beyond The Pale

    And SEX was always there from when I was only eight years - tempting me leave thirsty
    Sweat, skin, a PULSE divine to balance this restless MIND - it seemed so wonderfully physical
    Oh the BLOOD, the lust, the bodies that color the world: all drugs to die for! Won't you share my fire?
    How can LOVE make that world a minefield of forbidden GROUND?
    A map of untouchable skin and SILENCED desire?

    And love was there in vain, PROFOUND and deep but traced with pain - too early for a child of TEN
    Loving the pure and sane he sought the goddess unstained - watching them turn to flesh again
    HUNGRY for both the PURITY and SIN
    Life seemed to him merely like a GALLERY of how to be
    And he was always much more HUMAN than he wished to be
    But there is a LOGIC to his world, if they could only see

    Wishing - Sickened - Ill - Ticking

    SOMEONE still this hunger (it's in my blood) always growing stronger (ticking)
    BUDAPEST I'm learning, Budapest you're burning me

    This is not who I wanted to be, this is not what I wanted to see
    She's so young so why don't I feel free now that she is here under me?

    Naked - Touching - Soft - Clutching

    And then after all it lead me here to wake up again
    Seeking a love that might make me feel free in myself but then it proves to be
    Something that hurts inside when we touch, so I move on, I lose my way
    Astray I'm trying too much to feel unchained, to burn out this sense of feeling cold
    And every day I seek my prey: someone to taste and to hold
    I feel alive during the split second when they smile and meet my eyes
    But I could cry 'cause I feel broken inside!
    COME and DROWN with me- the UNDERTOW will sweep us away!
    And you will see that I'm ADDICTED to my HONESTY
    Trust! 'Cause after all my sense of TRUTH once brought me here
    But I've LOST control and I don't know if I am true to my soul
    I've lost CONTROL and I don't know if I am true to my soul
    Losing control and I don't know if I am TRUE AT ALL

    And we were always much more human than we wished to be...
    And I remember when you said you've been UNDER him - I was suprised to feel such pain
    And all those years of being faithful to YOU despite the hunger flowing through my veins
    And I have always tried to calm things down - SWALLOW down swallow down
    "It's just another small THORN in my crown"
    But suddenly one day there was too much blood in my eyes, and I had to take this WALK down
    REMEDY LANE of whens and whys...

    Empty - Licking - Clean - Choking

    SOMEONE still this hunger (possessing my mind) always growing stronger (craving)
    BUDAPEST I'm learning, Budapest I'm burning me
    This is not who I wanted to be, this is not what I wanted to see
    She's so young so why I don't feel free now that she's under me?
    In the morning she's going away in a Budapest taxi I've paid
    Seeking freedom I touched the untouched - it's too much - I'm BEYOND THE PALE...

    Prematurity is the story of both you and me, and we were always much more human than we wished to be
    Prematurity is truly the story of both you and me, and we were always much more human than we wished to be
    We were always much more human than we wished to be - we were always much more human than we wished to be
    We will always be more human then we wish to be

    WE WILL ALWAYS BE SO MUCH MORE HUMAN THAN WE WISH TO BE...